Friday, April 3, 2009


Did you guys catch ER last night? I still can't believe that show has been on for 15 years and now it's gone.

Some parts of the show were harder on me than I thought would be. That little old couple... when he said "I'm not ready yet" I cried like a baby. I SO know that feeling. I still feel that way some days. I miss her so much. I hurt when I think about my kids not knowing her better. I hurt because I had so much I wanted to say. I wouldn't want her back the way she was in the end... but if I could have her back like she was before 2004 I would trade anything for her. I miss her face, her humor and her love. I miss her calling me 50 times a day... never did I think I would miss that. I still hurt because I wasn't there the night she died. I hurt because she was alone. I didn't truly know the Lord back then and I don't know if she did. I am VERY grateful she led me to the Lord and I pray she knew him too so one day we will see each other again. I pray that she is at peace and with my Didee. I need to find peace for myself over not being there that night...

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