3rd one

I have been sitting here reading my old blog and I can't believe I am coming up on my 3rd Christmas without my Mamaw. Some days it feels like she's been gone way longer than that and still some days it feels like yesterday. This time of the year is really hard b/c it was our favorite holiday. We both LOVED Christmas so much! I haven't been able to bring down her singing Santa from the attic or play the snowman she loved so much. The snowman sits on my bar year round but hearing "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" is too much! It really sucks b/c the kids love that Santa and snowman!! Maybe next year Santa can come down to visit again.

Maybe it would be easier if my family was still close. I remember every Christmas morning I would wake up and see what Santa brought me and open my gifts. After I was done my grandparents would start cooking for everybody to come over and eat. I would play with all my stuff waiting for my cousins, aunts, and uncles to get there. I miss those days. We don't get together anymore... haven't since Mamaw went into the nursing home. My kids don't know what a "big" family is like. Their were 9 grandkids there every Christmas morning when I was little. They only really know 2 of their cousins... when they have 14 more. :( I don't understand how a family that was once so close can just drift apart and be OK with it. I now know she was the glue that held us all together and since she's gone we fell apart. Why does being an adult have to be so hard?

I can't believe June is almost over

Where did this month go? I want summer to s l o w down. I am enjoying the time off. The kids are enjoying the time off.

We are trying to find a new Church. The one we have been going to is a great Church but there are no kids. I want my kids to remember VBS like I do. I always looked forward to that week every summer. Of course there is more to it than VBS. We are just looking for something that has more to offer the kids. Today we visited one I think might work. We will visit again and see where it leads.

Being the mother to a full blown teenager has been fun lol. He has days that I just want to lock him in his room and throw away the key. Most days are good tho. I will just be happy when he gets full lol his stomach is never ending. Tonight we grilled steaks. We had baked potatoes and brown beans with them. He then ate a bowl of chicken and dumplings and a piece of cake. If he's awake he's eating something. We are now looking each other in the eyes. He's LOVING that one but I just keep reminding him no matter how big he is I will always be his mother who is older and wiser lol!!

Lauren can't get enough of the pool. I think she's really a fish. The other day we went to the pool and she came swimming up to me and said she had find a $5 bill in the deep end and couldn't get it. I went out with her and got it for her. She is forever finding money in the pool. She then eats lots of ice cream with her found treasures.

I am off to watch a movie. Everyone is on bed so I get the tv to myself. :)

13 years ago...

today I was laying in a hospital bed waiting to meet the baby I had been carrying for the past 9 months. It was not an easy labor but the end results where worth it all. My baby boy was born at 12:59 pm (11:59 pm where we live now lol) and he has kept me on my toes ever since. I can't believe it's been 13 years. I am not ready for the teenage years... the dating, the smart(er) mouth, the hormones or the 8th grade. Oh my... my baby's not a baby anymore! When did that happen?

Happy 13th Birthday Hunter, I love you!!!

2 years today

It really doesn't seem like it's been 2 years. Some days it still feels so fresh and raw. I pass by her every time I go to town but it's still hard to stop and visit. I do more things that she did and I stop and think I can't believe I just did that... never in a million years did I ever think I would "turn in" to her. I can see it more and more tho... but the older get the prouder I am to be like her. I just hope I am half the mother she was to me.

I love and miss you everyday Mamaw! Thank you for everything you ever did for me!!

ER

Did you guys catch ER last night? I still can't believe that show has been on for 15 years and now it's gone.

Some parts of the show were harder on me than I thought would be. That little old couple... when he said "I'm not ready yet" I cried like a baby. I SO know that feeling. I still feel that way some days. I miss her so much. I hurt when I think about my kids not knowing her better. I hurt because I had so much I wanted to say. I wouldn't want her back the way she was in the end... but if I could have her back like she was before 2004 I would trade anything for her. I miss her face, her humor and her love. I miss her calling me 50 times a day... never did I think I would miss that. I still hurt because I wasn't there the night she died. I hurt because she was alone. I didn't truly know the Lord back then and I don't know if she did. I am VERY grateful she led me to the Lord and I pray she knew him too so one day we will see each other again. I pray that she is at peace and with my Didee. I need to find peace for myself over not being there that night...

Now I remember why I don't do....

Facebook. After reading this post at Chicky Chicky Baby http://chickychickybaby.blogspot.com/2009/03/let-sleeping-dogs-lie-but-if-you-insist.html it hit me. I have a ex that should NEVER try to get it touch EVER!!! He was close to a felon way back in the day. And yes I was young and stupid and stayed with him even after it. Not that I would every want to redo my life b/c I think I am the person I am b/c of my past but if I could block out those 3 years it would be like laying on a beach with nothing else to do every again! I really thought 7th grade was awesome till we broke up during 9th grade and then my eyes opened to a new world... one were I was free to be me. I am SO very thankful cell phones weren't the thing back then. :)

Oh my!

My baby girl is now 8 years old!

This doesn't seem right. Where have the last 8 years gone? I really shouldn't be surprised because she was in such a hurry to get here back then. She tried to make her entrance into the world at 30 weeks but we put a stop to that after a week in and out of the hospital. After 6 weeks on brethine, 2 steroid shots and lite duty (whatever that means when you have a 4 year old too) she was given the OK to come. Which she did and then she wouldn't wait for the dr. to get there so the nurse delivered her. Every since it's been go go go. I've heard when can I do this and how old do I have to be before that? Why can't she just slow down and be little while she can? You are one of our blessings and I'm so very thankful for you everyday. I love you baby girl. Happy 8th Birthday!!

Wordless Wednesday - Pampering!

meme's

Husband Tag

1. Where did you meet? In High School

2. How long did you date before you got married? 9 months 24 days

3. How long have you been married? Will be 15 years in Nov.

4. What does he do that surprises you? nothing comes to mind

5. What is your favorite feature of his? eyes

6. What is your favorite quality of his? sense of humor!

7. Does he have a nickname for you? Honey

8. What is his favorite color? red

9. What is his favorite food? steak

10. What is his favorite sport? whatever the kids are playing

11. When and where was your first kiss? Feb. 1 1994... in my car when I dropped him off after our first date... hey it was on the cheek.

12. What is your favorite thing to do as a couple? When we sit and watch movies together at home.

13. Do you have any children? Yes, one boy and one girl!

14. Does he have a hidden talent? no

15. How old is he? 33

16. Who said I love you first? I did!

17. What’s his favorite type of music? He really likes a mix of everything.

18. What do you admire most about him? His love for his family.

19. Do you think he will read this? no

HUSBAND MEME

1. He’s sitting in front of the TV: What is on the screen? John Wayne, Clint Eastwood or James Bond

2. You’re out to eat. What kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch

3. What is one food he doesn’t like? sushi

4. You go out to the bar. What does he order? beer

5. Where did he go to high school? Pine Bluff High School

6. What size shoe does he wear? 10 1/2

7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? fishing/hunting gear

8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? cheeseburger

9. What would the Husband eat every day if he could? steak

10. What is his favorite cereal? doesn't eat cereal

11. What would he never wear? Pink.

12. What is his favorite sports team? the kids :)

13. Who is his best friend? Mark and John

14. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn’t do? Nag him about money

15. How many states has he lived in? three

16. What is his heritage? American

17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind is it? I would have his mom make him her caret cake

18. Did he play sports in high school? nope

19. What could he spend hours doing? fishing and or hunting

Another Long weekend :)

Hi, it's been a while. I can't believe we are more than halfway through February already. Where has the month gone? It's getting to close to my baby's 8th birthday. Wow 8 years old!! That is so hard to believe! Also there's about 3 months left of the school year... which seems to have flown by too (most days anyway).

We had a nice long weekend and I am sad to see it end. I started a new workout program today. I am sick of looking at myself when I get dressed everyday. But I'm the only one that can do anything about it so I did. I am aiming for 3 days a week to begin... the gym is in town 20 mins from my house. Once the weather warms up my mil and I will start walking again the other days. I would like to lose about 15 pounds and tone up. Swimsuits will be out way to soon.

I am looking forward to the summer. Last summer was such a bummer. Now that I have my migraine's under control more than not I am excited about spending the summer with the kids at the pool everyday if they want. By 2010 I want to have enough money saved to take a trip back to Virginia Beach and show the kids where we lived, walk on the boardwalk with them and show them were the boy was born. It doesn't seem like that was 12 years ago that we moved back home to Arkansas to be close to the grands and great grands. Never a move I regret either. Not that it wasn't great living in Virginia, it was just to far away from the family... and much harder when you have the first grandchild on both sides. Anyway I have rambled enough for tonight.

Our Traditions..

Sandra over at http://familycorner.blogspot.com/2008/12/from-rain-to-sun-shine.html asked that we share our Christmas traditions so here's ours.

Our tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving. Most of the time I already have some gifts bought and wrapped to put under there.

Our Christmas going starts this Sat. at the in-laws. We will have dinner and visit then open gifts. This started a few years ago before we did do it Christmas day and with sil living 2 hours away it was hard on her kids. So we do it the Sat. before Christmas now.

Then Sunday the kids, mil, sil, her kids and I will go to church. After church the kids and I will go to my Mamaw's house for our Christmas with my mom's side. Not really sure why she changed it this year.. we normally do it Christmas Eve afternoon. Also Sunday night the church is doing the candle light service... again not sure why this was moved from Christmas Eve night.

Up until my Mamaw that raised me went into a nursing home, we did Christmas with dad's side of the family Dec. 23rd. But that stopped in 2004. Hard to believe this will be her 2nd Christmas gone.

Christmas Eve night the kids, hubby and I go to my mom's for dinner, visiting and opening gifts. We stay till time to get the kids home and ready for bed. Santa comes that night with all his gifts unwrapped and put together... he's good that way. ;)

Christmas morning around 6:00 am the kids could and wake us up. We get up and they show us what Santa brought. Then we open gifts from under the tree. Once we are done we find something to eat and the kids play with their things the rest of the day. At some point both sets of grandparents stop and see what the kids got. It's so nice not to have to go anywhere Christmas Day.

Care to share yours? I would love to read them all.

14 years and going...

is how long the hubby and I have been married. Hubby was in the Army and his sister, her husband and I drove to Georgia to pick him up for the Thanksgiving holiday and our wedding. We got home the morning of Thanksgiving and spent the day between his family and mine. The next day we got married at 7:00 pm and hubby was on a plane around 4:00 pm the next day back to Georgia.

Also one year ago hubby and I were baptized. Neither a day we will ever forget. I feel very blessed to have a loving man that supports his family 100%.

Try this

My FIRSTS

So I stole this from http://www.myspecialks.com/, but it looked fun!

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? My hubby was my one and only prom date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Not unless hell froze over!

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? A beer and I HATED it... still can't drink beer!

4. What was your FIRST job? Babysitting!

5. What was your FIRST car? a 4 door sunbird

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? my friend Susan

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? the kids

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Ms. Libby... she was my kindergarten teacher too!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? I was in the 5th grade and I flew to Dallas for a Dance convention

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Blake was and no we no longer talk.... I do talk to his mom when I see her.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? softball

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? in 1st grade

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? hubby

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? my aunt's friends.. I handed out rice bags.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? took a shower

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? in the 7th grade I went to Michael Bolton

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?My ears when I was 4.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? none

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? when I got pulled over for no tags the first night I had my car.

20. When was your FIRST detention? 9th grade

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Arkansas

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Jason in the 6th grade

23. Who was your FIRST roommate? hubby

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? my papaws funeral in the 4th grade

Wanna try? Consider yourself tagged!Link back to me and leave a comment here when you post so I can be nosey... Please?!

Party Tomorrow Night!!!

I am going to try and have another birthday party for myself this year. I will be on my best behavior and not let it turn into last years... http://brandyb.wordpress.com/2007/10/22/update-from-the-light-weight/ I promise not to do shots this year. Now that I am in my 30's I know better. ;) I am going to last all night this year!

Adult tutoring

Monday night the boys math teacher offered parent tutoring for us smart 7th grade parents. I went and I really think I am more confused than before I went lol. She would show an example and I would think OK, but then she would show another and I was like oh no wait how did that happen?! The only thing I did understand was when she said "they can do the work which ever way is easiest for them"... really, cool now when I do know how to do something I can do it my way and see if old school is easier for him to understand math. I know old school math... sometimes. ;) We are meeting again next Monday.

Homecoming Week!

This week has been different for us. This was the first time the boy got to do the dress up week for the High School. Mon. was Costume Day, Tues. was Sports Day , Wed. was Blast from the past day, Thurs. was homecoming shirts and crazy hair day and today was black and white day (school colors).

Mon. the boy went as a Hunter... so did every other boy in the school lol. Tues. he wore his Yankees jersey and I wore my Hogs shirt since I worked. Wed. he went from the 80's with a Motley Crue shirt and stonewashed jeans. I tried to get him to tight roll them but when I showed him what I was talking about he went all 2008 on me... like whatever!! Thurs. he wore his homecoming shirt but wouldn't do the crazy hair thing. Today he wore his school shirt... on the way to school he wondered about painting his face half white and half black. Didn't have anything up my a$$ to pull that one off so he didn't get that done. Gee son next year let me know the day before or even better whenever you find out when black and white day is.

Thurs. afternoon the Jr. and Sr. High played games against each other to see which class rules. The Seniors are big fat cheaters!! 7th grade has some learning to do... they should beat next years 7th grade lol. ;) As we were waiting on the hula hoop game to start we hear over the loud speaker... "there's a fight in the stands, can someone break them up".

Tonight as I sit here writing I am really waiting for the Homecoming dance to be over with so I can go pick up my boy and come home and go to sleep. Only 53 more mins. to go.

This S U C K S!!!!!!!!!!

I am at a loss. My son hates school, has since day 1. He's in his room doing homework right now. I am here trying not to loose it. He's not doing as well as I know he can and I don't know how to make him want too.

My heart breaks b/c he just made the comment that he wants to be home schooled or to just drop out. I dropped out of 10th grade for very stupid reasons and I have been dreading the day that became a subject I had to share with my kid/s. I WANT my kids to finish school.

I sit here and I am struggling to help him with his homework. I don't think it's from dropping out, but how the hell do I know.

HELP ME!!!

Jr. High

I was reading another blog http://theredneckmommy.com/ last night about 7th grade. The mom was remembering what it was like back then and I started remembering what I was doing back then too.

The summer before 7th grade started I was "dating" a boy a grade older than me. That summer I got my first real kiss. We held hands at the mall almost every Friday night. I said my first "I love you". He gave me a ring and I thought we would last forever. Lol how things quickly change when you both start different schools.

Once in the 7th grade I met another boy. We kissed and held hands a few times. He was ALWAYS grounded so we didn't go to the mall. We didn't last long. After him there were a few crushes but nothing much more.

At the end of that year I started talking to another older guy. Once again I thought it was ever lasting love... oh how wrong I was. That summer we seen each other as much as possible, at the mall, the pool, a friends sister's house. That summer my life changed more than I every thought it would. Come to find out he thought once my bff has sex for the first time I was next. Yes I was so stupid and young that I let him talk me into something I knew little about. At the time I thought I was in love and it was the only way to keep him. Sicken isn't it?!

Now that I am a mom to a 7th grader I feel sick to think back. I try so hard to be more open with him about things than my grandparents were with me. I let him know his dad and I are here for him and he can tell us anything. I hope he listens and doesn't make those mistakes I did so young. Don't get me wrong I know he will make mistakes and that's part of life. I just hope sex is something he waits for.