3rd one

I have been sitting here reading my old blog and I can't believe I am coming up on my 3rd Christmas without my Mamaw. Some days it feels like she's been gone way longer than that and still some days it feels like yesterday. This time of the year is really hard b/c it was our favorite holiday. We both LOVED Christmas so much! I haven't been able to bring down her singing Santa from the attic or play the snowman she loved so much. The snowman sits on my bar year round but hearing "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" is too much! It really sucks b/c the kids love that Santa and snowman!! Maybe next year Santa can come down to visit again.

Maybe it would be easier if my family was still close. I remember every Christmas morning I would wake up and see what Santa brought me and open my gifts. After I was done my grandparents would start cooking for everybody to come over and eat. I would play with all my stuff waiting for my cousins, aunts, and uncles to get there. I miss those days. We don't get together anymore... haven't since Mamaw went into the nursing home. My kids don't know what a "big" family is like. Their were 9 grandkids there every Christmas morning when I was little. They only really know 2 of their cousins... when they have 14 more. :( I don't understand how a family that was once so close can just drift apart and be OK with it. I now know she was the glue that held us all together and since she's gone we fell apart. Why does being an adult have to be so hard?

A few words

I just read this http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2009/06/rare_prenatal_testing_case_rai.html on another blog. Now I am going to tell a story about "normal" babies.

Here's my story. I was born to teenage parents who weren't ready to be parents. There was nothing wrong with me but the "new" wore off and I was passed around but mainly living with my mom and her parents. Once I turned 3 the passing game got old so I went to leave with my dad's parents. Never once did I feel unloved or unwanted by them just my real parents. I am sure at 50 something they wouldn't have chosen to restart with a 3 year old but they didn't blink and I was giving a stable home for the first time in 3 years. I can remember starting school and the other kids asking why my mom was never at the parties or programs and all I could say was she didn't want me. As a child I often wondered if I did something wrong or something was wrong with me for my parents not to want me but as an adult I see that it was all in God's plan. Now as a mother I don't see how one gives birth to a baby and years later change their mind. I too was young when my son was born but I NEVER thought about not wanting him. Yes he was a "surprise" but you know what he was one of the best surprises I have ever had. Anyway today I do have a relationship with my mom but it's not the normal mother/daughter one many of my friends have with their mother's. Our relationship is sometimes rocky but I truely believe I was raised by the best people. I often feel orphaned b/c both of my grand"parents" are gone but I am thankful they were there for me when I needed them the most.

Easter Sunday

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter. We did. We went to Church. Came home ate lunch at the in laws and then came home and rested. My mom and (step) dad come over around 5:30 and brought the kids their stuff. Baby girl got Marley and Me in her basket and her and I watched it after her bath. We both were crying at the end... great movie!! The boy got Bedtime Stories, we are going to watch in tomorrow (maybe). Here's the best picture I got of them this morning. Sat. hubby and son went fishing. Can you tell? We normally do a family picture after Church but when we came out of Church it was POURING so I looked and felt like a drowned dog so we didn't get one. :(

Benchmark testing starts tomorrow. I am not a big fan of this test but who am I?! Say a little pray that the kids aren't too stressed out over them.

The puppies are now 3 weeks old. They are starting to walk. I got woke up this morning around 5 am... they are getting playful and thought that was a great time to start. :) Till next time.

ER

Did you guys catch ER last night? I still can't believe that show has been on for 15 years and now it's gone.

Some parts of the show were harder on me than I thought would be. That little old couple... when he said "I'm not ready yet" I cried like a baby. I SO know that feeling. I still feel that way some days. I miss her so much. I hurt when I think about my kids not knowing her better. I hurt because I had so much I wanted to say. I wouldn't want her back the way she was in the end... but if I could have her back like she was before 2004 I would trade anything for her. I miss her face, her humor and her love. I miss her calling me 50 times a day... never did I think I would miss that. I still hurt because I wasn't there the night she died. I hurt because she was alone. I didn't truly know the Lord back then and I don't know if she did. I am VERY grateful she led me to the Lord and I pray she knew him too so one day we will see each other again. I pray that she is at peace and with my Didee. I need to find peace for myself over not being there that night...

What time is it?

No it's not summer time... tho I do wish it was!! It's SPRING BREAK!!!!!!! :D Time for a week of sleeping in. No homework! Staying in our pj's till noon if we want to. Sleeping in! Fishing trips! Kids going camping with the grandparents! No homework!! Oh we are expecting puppies any day now too. So let the fun begin.

So glad it's the weekend.

Thursday started off bad. Around 2 am my baby girl woke me saying she didn't feel very good. Minutes later we were in the bathroom and she was throwing up. After I got everything cleaned up I got her a place on the floor fixed and the trash can beside her. I decided to do a suppository because she has a habit of going down fast when she gets a bug. She didn't throw up anymore and went back to sleep around 3 am.

At 4:58 am the phone rings!!! Not good for the phone to ring at that hour. I looked at the caller ID and see it's my stepdad. I answer and he tells me he feels bad. Then he says I don't think I am going to make it. WHAT?! I asked what he meant by that and he says he thinks he's dying!! I asked him where he was and he told me he was crossing the county line... ok that's like 2 mins from my house... come here. I jumped out of bed and threw on some clothes, call my in laws, and start brushing my teeth. The phone rings again and he says "I've crashed"!!! Ok I am on my way. I jumped in my van and start down the highway. I find a car on the side of the road and pull over. A man is down in the ditch with him and they are standing outside of the truck. I got out and ran to see what happened. The man hadn't seen what happened just seen the tail lights from the highway and stopped to see if the person was OK. He had already called 911 by the time I got there. The man helped me get him to my van and we looked up to another car stopping... a nurse! Thank you Lord for both the man and the nurse. The nurse come to my van to see how she could help. Turns out he had a very bad reaction to something and by this point his throat was swelling up and I believe he was going into shock. The nurse told me she had some benadryl so I ran to her car and grabbed it and she give him some. During all of this I had finally gotten ahold of my mom and we were waiting for her so we could get him to the ER. She pulled up within a few mins of me calling and we left for the ER. They run some tests and couldn't figure out what did it but they said it was most diffidently a reaction. So after watching him and running meds they left him go him a few hours later. The real kicker is Wed. around 6 pm he and I talked and he told me he had gotten in something and he was breaking out in hives and itching like crazy. I told him to go get some benadryl and he told me he would. Well the 2 places he went didn't have any so he just went back to the lake to finish his night of running yo yo's. I didn't know he hadn't gotten the benadryl till after the nurse stopped!!!!

After all of that I had to get to Little Rock for my doctor appointment at the Headache Clinic. I couldn't believe my blood pressure wasn't high but it was normal. It was a fasting appointment so they could redue my blood work. Back in August my cholesterol was high so she wanted to see if it was still high. Plus my Vitamin D was super low the last two times.

My mil had gotten the boy off to school for me and my fil kept the girl. Once my mom and stepdad were released they stopped and picked up baby girl. Now that things were getting back to normal (whatever that is) I decided to go ahead and do the birthday shopping I had planned to do while in Little Rock. I got her some really cute clothes, a few toys and a game for the Wii. Mostly from my mom, stepdad and the in laws. I finally headed home and my mom and stepdad brought the kids home... they had picked up the boy from school. When they walked in the door and I looked at baby girl I knew she didn't feel good. I check her temp and it was 103, so I got Motrin in her fast and set her up on the couch. Her temp was 103 again this morning but since that she hasn't had any. So even though we have a bug running it's course I am thankful it's the weekend and I pray I never have to live this past Thursday ever again!

A few more details... for my new readers (if I have any) my stepdad is more of a dad to me than my "real" dad has ever tried to be but for my readers from my old blog I say stepdad because I have posted things about the "real" dad that I wouldn't want people to confuse my stepdad with. Anyway my stepdad is OK. He blacked out after calling me and crossed the highway and hit a HUGE Pine tree head on. He came to and called me back. His truck was totaled but it's just a truck. The only thing that matters is he was OK. I bought him a huge bottle of benadryl and I told him to please have some with him at all times from now on just in case.

Another Long weekend :)

Hi, it's been a while. I can't believe we are more than halfway through February already. Where has the month gone? It's getting to close to my baby's 8th birthday. Wow 8 years old!! That is so hard to believe! Also there's about 3 months left of the school year... which seems to have flown by too (most days anyway).

We had a nice long weekend and I am sad to see it end. I started a new workout program today. I am sick of looking at myself when I get dressed everyday. But I'm the only one that can do anything about it so I did. I am aiming for 3 days a week to begin... the gym is in town 20 mins from my house. Once the weather warms up my mil and I will start walking again the other days. I would like to lose about 15 pounds and tone up. Swimsuits will be out way to soon.

I am looking forward to the summer. Last summer was such a bummer. Now that I have my migraine's under control more than not I am excited about spending the summer with the kids at the pool everyday if they want. By 2010 I want to have enough money saved to take a trip back to Virginia Beach and show the kids where we lived, walk on the boardwalk with them and show them were the boy was born. It doesn't seem like that was 12 years ago that we moved back home to Arkansas to be close to the grands and great grands. Never a move I regret either. Not that it wasn't great living in Virginia, it was just to far away from the family... and much harder when you have the first grandchild on both sides. Anyway I have rambled enough for tonight.

Our Traditions..

Sandra over at http://familycorner.blogspot.com/2008/12/from-rain-to-sun-shine.html asked that we share our Christmas traditions so here's ours.

Our tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving. Most of the time I already have some gifts bought and wrapped to put under there.

Our Christmas going starts this Sat. at the in-laws. We will have dinner and visit then open gifts. This started a few years ago before we did do it Christmas day and with sil living 2 hours away it was hard on her kids. So we do it the Sat. before Christmas now.

Then Sunday the kids, mil, sil, her kids and I will go to church. After church the kids and I will go to my Mamaw's house for our Christmas with my mom's side. Not really sure why she changed it this year.. we normally do it Christmas Eve afternoon. Also Sunday night the church is doing the candle light service... again not sure why this was moved from Christmas Eve night.

Up until my Mamaw that raised me went into a nursing home, we did Christmas with dad's side of the family Dec. 23rd. But that stopped in 2004. Hard to believe this will be her 2nd Christmas gone.

Christmas Eve night the kids, hubby and I go to my mom's for dinner, visiting and opening gifts. We stay till time to get the kids home and ready for bed. Santa comes that night with all his gifts unwrapped and put together... he's good that way. ;)

Christmas morning around 6:00 am the kids could and wake us up. We get up and they show us what Santa brought. Then we open gifts from under the tree. Once we are done we find something to eat and the kids play with their things the rest of the day. At some point both sets of grandparents stop and see what the kids got. It's so nice not to have to go anywhere Christmas Day.

Care to share yours? I would love to read them all.

Try this

My FIRSTS

So I stole this from http://www.myspecialks.com/, but it looked fun!

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? My hubby was my one and only prom date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Not unless hell froze over!

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? A beer and I HATED it... still can't drink beer!

4. What was your FIRST job? Babysitting!

5. What was your FIRST car? a 4 door sunbird

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? my friend Susan

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? the kids

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Ms. Libby... she was my kindergarten teacher too!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? I was in the 5th grade and I flew to Dallas for a Dance convention

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Blake was and no we no longer talk.... I do talk to his mom when I see her.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? softball

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? in 1st grade

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? hubby

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? my aunt's friends.. I handed out rice bags.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? took a shower

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? in the 7th grade I went to Michael Bolton

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?My ears when I was 4.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? none

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? when I got pulled over for no tags the first night I had my car.

20. When was your FIRST detention? 9th grade

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Arkansas

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Jason in the 6th grade

23. Who was your FIRST roommate? hubby

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? my papaws funeral in the 4th grade

Wanna try? Consider yourself tagged!Link back to me and leave a comment here when you post so I can be nosey... Please?!

Long weekend :)

Thank God the kids have an extra day to goof off this weekend. Nothing but summer beats a long weekend.

Saturday we spent the day with the grandparents. First my mom and step dad. Didn't really do anything but visit. After that we went where the in laws were camping out. The sil's, one sil's hubby, 1 niece, 1 nephew and a boyfriend were there also. It was fil's bday so we had a cookout followed by homemade ice cream. Once we got home it was way past dark and time for bed, of course after baths.

Sunday we stayed around the house and visited with the hubby/daddy while he was home. He came in very late last night and left around 2:00 this afternoon. Holiday weekends are really rough on the railroad guys.

Monday is open for whatever we choose to do. The pool is having a Labor Day thing but not sure if that's what we are doing yet or not. The boy doesn't want to but he changes his mind like I change... oh never mind you get the picture.