3rd one

I have been sitting here reading my old blog and I can't believe I am coming up on my 3rd Christmas without my Mamaw. Some days it feels like she's been gone way longer than that and still some days it feels like yesterday. This time of the year is really hard b/c it was our favorite holiday. We both LOVED Christmas so much! I haven't been able to bring down her singing Santa from the attic or play the snowman she loved so much. The snowman sits on my bar year round but hearing "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" is too much! It really sucks b/c the kids love that Santa and snowman!! Maybe next year Santa can come down to visit again.

Maybe it would be easier if my family was still close. I remember every Christmas morning I would wake up and see what Santa brought me and open my gifts. After I was done my grandparents would start cooking for everybody to come over and eat. I would play with all my stuff waiting for my cousins, aunts, and uncles to get there. I miss those days. We don't get together anymore... haven't since Mamaw went into the nursing home. My kids don't know what a "big" family is like. Their were 9 grandkids there every Christmas morning when I was little. They only really know 2 of their cousins... when they have 14 more. :( I don't understand how a family that was once so close can just drift apart and be OK with it. I now know she was the glue that held us all together and since she's gone we fell apart. Why does being an adult have to be so hard?

Gloomy Monday

The weather outside is just yucky. I guess I shouldn't complain to much b/c we have had some beautiful weather lately. I just wish it would have held off till the kids go back to school tomorrow. Out here in the country they get the Monday off after deer season opens. You know in case you didn't get "the deer" Saturday or Sunday. Not that Hunter got to hunt. He is grounded from hunting over his report card.

I am looking forward to this 4 day school week. For the first time I will get to sub for Lauren. So Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I will be in the 3rd grade with my baby girl. :) Please pray she doesn't w h i n e while I am in there!

Friday night is the concert with my girls! :D I can't wait. It's also payday for the school.

I am hoping to get my shopping finished while running around like a crazy person Black Friday! Now I just have to figure out what to get my dad, fil, son and gmil! I do have more to buy for but I know what I am getting them.

Well I'm going to catch up on some of my shows I have dvr'd. Later!!

2 years today

It really doesn't seem like it's been 2 years. Some days it still feels so fresh and raw. I pass by her every time I go to town but it's still hard to stop and visit. I do more things that she did and I stop and think I can't believe I just did that... never in a million years did I ever think I would "turn in" to her. I can see it more and more tho... but the older get the prouder I am to be like her. I just hope I am half the mother she was to me.

I love and miss you everyday Mamaw! Thank you for everything you ever did for me!!

100th post

I have been dreading writing this 100th post b/c nothing is really happening around here but here it goes.

Lauren and Hunter are both out of school and fighting like cats and dogs most of the time. I am grateful for them having their own bedrooms. I did see on another blog something I really need to try... she is making her kids hug for five minutes when they fight. That would kill mine.

The pool opened but the kids don't know that yet. The water is still so cold. I know they won't care and I don't plan to swim but I hate to start going so early b/c then they get tried of going. Come August the pools the only place to be here in Arkansas and even then it feels like your swimming in a warm bathtub.

We had talked about taking a vacation this summer but hubby doesn't have any vacation time left and since he's working as a conductor and not an engineer the moneys not as good. We decided to wait till next spring and try to do something big. We are going to do somethings close by throughout the summer. My sil, her kids, my kids and I are going to Wild River Country one day this month. We are aiming for the week of Hunter's birthday.

We are waiting for report cards... they aren't going to be mailed till the 5th. Hunter goofed off the 1st semester and worked his butt off the last nine weeks so we don't know if he made it out of 7th or not. He made 2 100's on his semester tests so we know he can do it... it's his want to that bites!

Lauren was on the Honor Roll all year. Hunter says it's easier in the 2nd grade but even back then he didn't give it his all. I hope that she will always love school b/c it sure makes things better. Hunter HATES it and it makes the school year hellish!

Jenny got a picture of Nate standing up outside the hospital last week. How awesome is that! What a wonderful God!!

I also can't believe it's been 2 years almost since this...http://brandyb.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/shes-gone/

Well I am going to run outside and play with the kids. See you later.

26 more days till summer!!

This weekend has been a little busy for us. Friday after school the kids and I left for Conway. My nephew's birthday party was Sat. and we always go the night before and stay. Friday night we took the kids roller skating. I did leave my sil with the kids for a hour so I could run to Kohl's and look for a shirt to wear to the Kenny concert. I found a shirt and a pair of black Sketchers on sale for $18.00. After I got back to the skating rink I let my sil and 4 year old niece go home. My baby girl LOVES to skate so I decided to stay and let her do that. Around 10 my nephew fell so I decided that was a great time to head out. Once we got to the house I needed to go to Wal-Mart so her and I left the kids with her hubby and we headed to Wally's. We got what we needed and went back to her house and finally the kids, her and I went to bed around 2 am. Sat. morning we got up, ate donuts, got ready for the party and waited for everyone to get there. After it was over the kids and I headed back home. We pulled into our driveway at 7:00. Of course I am to anal so I had to unpack, wash clothes, run the vacuum, clean the bathroom and get the kids in bed before I could sit down and relax. I got into bed around 11:30 last night. We all slept in this morning.

This afternoon the kids, hubby and I went over to my mom's house for a fish fry. My uncle and his youngest daughter came in from Kansas for a few days. So my other uncle, his wife and kids, my aunt, her hubby and kids, my Mamaw B and us were all together and we had a great time visiting and eating. My aunt took some pictures of my family so I am going to post one. We weren't really dressed for pictures but oh well. Enjoy!

ER

Did you guys catch ER last night? I still can't believe that show has been on for 15 years and now it's gone.

Some parts of the show were harder on me than I thought would be. That little old couple... when he said "I'm not ready yet" I cried like a baby. I SO know that feeling. I still feel that way some days. I miss her so much. I hurt when I think about my kids not knowing her better. I hurt because I had so much I wanted to say. I wouldn't want her back the way she was in the end... but if I could have her back like she was before 2004 I would trade anything for her. I miss her face, her humor and her love. I miss her calling me 50 times a day... never did I think I would miss that. I still hurt because I wasn't there the night she died. I hurt because she was alone. I didn't truly know the Lord back then and I don't know if she did. I am VERY grateful she led me to the Lord and I pray she knew him too so one day we will see each other again. I pray that she is at peace and with my Didee. I need to find peace for myself over not being there that night...

A shout out

for my friend Jenny... she passed the Real Estate test today!! Way to go girl!

After work tonight Jenny, another friend Mary and I went out to celebrate. We had a great time. We ate and talked for 3 hours. We also decided to make this a once a month outing... of course that's not counting our lunch dates. ;)

The kids are out of school tomorrow. Baby girl went over to my moms to stay the night. Mamaw was glad to see her. It lifted her spirits some. Please keep praying for her. Now I am off to watch DVR and then bed. Oh before I forget the littlest puppy has put on some weight. :)

Our Traditions..

Sandra over at http://familycorner.blogspot.com/2008/12/from-rain-to-sun-shine.html asked that we share our Christmas traditions so here's ours.

Our tree goes up the day after Thanksgiving. Most of the time I already have some gifts bought and wrapped to put under there.

Our Christmas going starts this Sat. at the in-laws. We will have dinner and visit then open gifts. This started a few years ago before we did do it Christmas day and with sil living 2 hours away it was hard on her kids. So we do it the Sat. before Christmas now.

Then Sunday the kids, mil, sil, her kids and I will go to church. After church the kids and I will go to my Mamaw's house for our Christmas with my mom's side. Not really sure why she changed it this year.. we normally do it Christmas Eve afternoon. Also Sunday night the church is doing the candle light service... again not sure why this was moved from Christmas Eve night.

Up until my Mamaw that raised me went into a nursing home, we did Christmas with dad's side of the family Dec. 23rd. But that stopped in 2004. Hard to believe this will be her 2nd Christmas gone.

Christmas Eve night the kids, hubby and I go to my mom's for dinner, visiting and opening gifts. We stay till time to get the kids home and ready for bed. Santa comes that night with all his gifts unwrapped and put together... he's good that way. ;)

Christmas morning around 6:00 am the kids could and wake us up. We get up and they show us what Santa brought. Then we open gifts from under the tree. Once we are done we find something to eat and the kids play with their things the rest of the day. At some point both sets of grandparents stop and see what the kids got. It's so nice not to have to go anywhere Christmas Day.

Care to share yours? I would love to read them all.

Playlist

I am sure you have noticed I put a playlist here. The songs I put there each have a meaning and I would like to share them with you.

Rascal Flatts' Fast Cars and Freedom ~ Is the song hubby says reminds him of us.

Jamie O'Neal's Somebody's Hero ~ Is one that I see in my mind of my grandma and me.

Trace Adkins's Then They Do ~ Reminds me just how fast my kids are growing up.

Kelly Clarkson's Because of You ~ This one has parts from my childhood feelings.

Kenny Chesney's Where You Be Today ~ Is for my two cousins gone way to soon. Miss You Blake and Bradley!

Reba McEntire's You're Gonna Be ~ Is for both my kids!!

Billy Currington's Walk a Little Straighter ~ Parts of it for my parents.

Brad Paisley's Letter to Me ~ Has many things that hit home with me.

Brooks and Dunn's Proud of the House We Built ~ Of course that's me and hubby. We meet when I was 16.

Rodney Atkins' Cleaning This Gun ~ Will be hubby one day all to soon! ;)

Martina McBride's Blessed ~ Is how I feel about my life, most days.

Trace Adkins' Your Gonna Miss This ~ Would be for my 12 year old boy.

Kelly Pickler's I Wonder ~ Again my parents.

Rascal Flatts' Bless the Broken Road ~ Once again hubby and I.

Jimmy Wayne's I Love You This Much ~ Would be more about my dad but also my mom.

Billy Ray Cyrus's Ready, Set, Don't Go ~ The kids!

Joe Nichols' I'll Wait For You ~ For my one and only!!

I hope you enjoy them as much I as do.