God is awesome!!

Just wanted to update on a few things.

1st I got called to work for a few days this week and maybe the rest of the week! :)

2nd Hubby's job is getting better! :)

Now we just pray they stay that way! But I needed to come here and PRAISE God!! I'm so glad he's my Savior!! Thanks for praying!!

It's been a while

I can't seem to get into the mind to post! Sorry about that!

Things are not so good around here right now and I hate to be a downer. My hubby works for the railroad and he's having a hard time keeping a job. Ok not a job... he's an engineer and he drives trains to different areas and right now he getting bumped off boards left and right. It seems that he gets a few days work and then gets bumped again and then has to find another place to work. A lot of the boards offer a guarantee but if you don't work it the whole half then you don't get that... railroaders get use to that guarantee and then when they can't keep it money gets low. Not a good thing when the bills don't stop coming in. It has been like this for a good 5 months now so you can imagine that some bills get pushed back and you think next month will be better and then it's not! I know it could be much worse and I should be thankful he has a job so I haven't said anything to to many people b/c I know there are people that are worse off than us!

The stress of all of this has made my migraines so much worse and stomach is always in knots! Thank goodness I have been subbing a lot this year or things could be MUCH worse! The only thing is this last month the phone hasn't been ringing much for me either.

So sorry for throwing this all out here but I'm hoping it helps relieve some stress! Please keep us in your prayers and thoughts that we both will get called to work more and that we can get caught up and get back to normal!

I think I might have really messed up tonight

You see a 17 year old boy has been living with my mom and (step) dad for about a year now so he can go to the school here. Things have been going on over there and they asked him to leave. I didn't find out about this till tonight when I called my mom and she was telling me what had happened in the last few days. While I was on the phone with her Lauren said she thought someone was here. I got up and looked out and it was him. He has never just showed up over here without my mom or dad so I asked my mom why she thought he would be here and she didn't have a clue. I got off the phone with her and opened the door. He came stumbling up and asked if he could use the bathroom b/c he had a massive nose bleed. I told him of course and walked him to the bathroom and got him a washcloth. He was cleaning his face up and I asked him where he was going... he said to the movies. I asked if he was by himself and he said yes. I asked him if he was Ok and he said no, no not really. He said he was feeling sick and needed to go before he gave us anything. I walked him to his truck and looked it over to make sure he hadn't had a wreak and was covering it up. The truck looked Ok. I then told him to be careful and let him drive away. The mother in me says I should have stopped him. I should have stalled him some how to make sure he really wasn't hurt. The longer I have sit and thought about him tonight the harder I want to kick my ass for not stopping him!

I keep thinking about his home life.. not at my moms. His parents are divorced. From what I've seen they are both just fine with him being my mom and dads problem. If he's not under their roofs he's good. He's been such a good kid until just recently and tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks that he might know I had the same life growing up and maybe just maybe he stopped here tonight looking for help. And now all I can do is pray he's OK and that I get another chance! Please tell me it won't be to late?!

3rd one

I have been sitting here reading my old blog and I can't believe I am coming up on my 3rd Christmas without my Mamaw. Some days it feels like she's been gone way longer than that and still some days it feels like yesterday. This time of the year is really hard b/c it was our favorite holiday. We both LOVED Christmas so much! I haven't been able to bring down her singing Santa from the attic or play the snowman she loved so much. The snowman sits on my bar year round but hearing "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" is too much! It really sucks b/c the kids love that Santa and snowman!! Maybe next year Santa can come down to visit again.

Maybe it would be easier if my family was still close. I remember every Christmas morning I would wake up and see what Santa brought me and open my gifts. After I was done my grandparents would start cooking for everybody to come over and eat. I would play with all my stuff waiting for my cousins, aunts, and uncles to get there. I miss those days. We don't get together anymore... haven't since Mamaw went into the nursing home. My kids don't know what a "big" family is like. Their were 9 grandkids there every Christmas morning when I was little. They only really know 2 of their cousins... when they have 14 more. :( I don't understand how a family that was once so close can just drift apart and be OK with it. I now know she was the glue that held us all together and since she's gone we fell apart. Why does being an adult have to be so hard?

15 years ago

I was getting ready for the day. My wedding day. A day that didn't go as planned but that hasn't mattered. We were both very young but we both knew what we wanted and have fought hard to be a family. I am more in love with him today than I could have guessed back then. I am so thankful for my hubby and kids!

On another note I would like to ask that the few readers I have go and look at The Darya Project and help out if you can. http://the30dayjourneyforhope.blogspot.com/ Thank you so much!!

Have a blessed Thanksgiving!!

Gloomy Monday

The weather outside is just yucky. I guess I shouldn't complain to much b/c we have had some beautiful weather lately. I just wish it would have held off till the kids go back to school tomorrow. Out here in the country they get the Monday off after deer season opens. You know in case you didn't get "the deer" Saturday or Sunday. Not that Hunter got to hunt. He is grounded from hunting over his report card.

I am looking forward to this 4 day school week. For the first time I will get to sub for Lauren. So Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I will be in the 3rd grade with my baby girl. :) Please pray she doesn't w h i n e while I am in there!

Friday night is the concert with my girls! :D I can't wait. It's also payday for the school.

I am hoping to get my shopping finished while running around like a crazy person Black Friday! Now I just have to figure out what to get my dad, fil, son and gmil! I do have more to buy for but I know what I am getting them.

Well I'm going to catch up on some of my shows I have dvr'd. Later!!

Yes once again I have gone and dropped off the face of the earth. Sorry for that. I just can't think of much to say.

I have been working alot. I am using most of that money for Christmas. I have a big dent in that already but I'm finding it super hard to figure what to get my 13 year old son. Any ideas?

Halloween weekend we (the kids, my younger sil and I) went to my older sil's house. We went up Friday night and then the sil's and I took Lauren and Abby (niece) trick or treating and sil's hubby took Hunter and Cody (nephew) to some haunted houses. Once we all got back to the house we loaded up and drove home.

Last Friday my mil, younger sil and I went to my older sil's house for a girls sleepover. Sat. morning we got up early and drove to Branson for the day. We hit the outlet malls and the Branson Landing (very cool) and then drove back to sil's house and stayed another night. I had a blast but not sure if I will go to Branson at this time of the year again... CROWDED is all I will say!!

Tomorrow my mil and younger sil are going to drive up to Little Rock and hit a few stores. Sil is wanting to eat at Olive Garden.. yummy!! :)

I am wanting to make a trip to Monroe before Christmas but I am thinking I will wait till after Black Friday. Yes I plan to be out like a crazy person that morning lol!

Next Friday night I will be with 2 of my besties at The Zac Brown Band concert! We weren't going to go but I WON tickets so Mary bought another ticket so we could all go. :) I am so looking forward to going... we have a ton of fun together!!

Well I need to run and check out a few things and then get the kids toward to bed. I will try not to be gone so long this time.

MIA

Sorry I went missing again.

I have been subbing since the 2nd week of school on and off. I got asked to sub for 1st grade Sept. 4th and maybe the 7th. Well that turned into a full time position. I had to call in this past Thursday b/c I came down with the flu. :( I was going to be in there till at least this coming Monday.

Subbing for 1st grade was fun but not easy. We have a little boy with DS this year. He is the sweetest little guy. His face would light up when he walked into the class room. He likes to take his shoes off every chance he gets and 90% of the time if I could he wanted me to tie them when they needed to be put back on. He melted my heart! :)

Like I said the sub had to call in this week. We (the school) are passing the flu around I finally caught it... lucky me! Not even an hour after I got home from the dr. Lauren started feeling bad. We are both on Tamiflu and I will be done tomorrow. I have felt more normal today than I have in days. Lauren hasn't had a fever in over 24 hours but she is still weak. I am hoping she feels more like herself tomorrow. I have been opening the windows hoping to air out the house. Today I washed the sheets and bedding.

Tomorrow looks like more rain! Yeah just what we need lol. A few weeks ago I thought we would have to start building an Ark. Oh well what can I do about it?!

One more thing... Go HOGS Go!!! :D

I'm still here

Don't fall out b/c I am posting. I know I don't do it very often and I can't promise that I will do it more.

The kids only have 9 more days before school starts back and I am very sad. I am not ready for them to go back. It seems as the summer has flown by again. It has rained a LOT this year so we haven't gotten a lot of swimming in. Now the pool is closed during the week which bites.

Since my mom got fired we have been spending more time together. We have been going shopping together... she NEVER liked to shop or do anything when she was working. It's funny in a way but she has learned things about me she didn't know. Like today we were in Wal-Mart and I picked up some bean dip and she says.. you like bean dip too?! I am glad we have gotten closer over the last few months.

I might have a full time job when school starts back. I put in for a job in the High School for a teacher's aide. I was told I would know something by this coming Wed., only a week before school starts back. I have decided if it's meant to be then I will get it if not then I will still be a sub.

Lauren decided to do PeeWee cheerleading this year and cheer camp started tonight. She really enjoyed it and I know she will be a great cheerleader. She loves dancing and jumping around.

Hunter decided to do fall baseball. I can't wait to see him play again. It's been too long since I have watched him play. He wants to try out in the 9th grade for the school team so he's going to play as much as he can till tryouts.

I was thinking the other day about the kids and how fast they are growing up. In 5 years Hunter will be a senior and Lauren starts 7th grade that year! I wish we could go back to him just turning 5 and her being 3 months old. My how time flies!!

Zoo Pictures

Hunter and Lauren

Lauren, Hunter and me

Hunter and Lauren with the birds

Hunter and Lauren with the Ape

a little bit of everything

The kids and I went to Little Rock Wed. to shop for school clothes, shoes and a backpack. Hunter got a few pairs of jeans and some shirts to go with them. Both of them got a pair of shoes. Lauren found her a backpack. She had already found a lunch box BUT the backpack she got has a matching one that hooks to the backpack so I think I am going to order her one as a surprise.

We also went to the Little Rock Zoo while we were running around. I have pictures but blogger and/or my computer is acting out so I will have to post them tomorrow!

Tomorrow we are heading to the pool. It's been almost a month since our last visit. Hunter had his wreak and was scared to swim with the road rash and then Lauren got an ear infection so now that they are both healed we are going.

Sat. is the annual golf tournament for my 2 cousins that passed away. I would LOVE to go but it's over 5 hours away now and it's not looking like we won't be making it. :( It got moved last year so we didn't make it then either.

Well it's after 1:30 am and the kids are going to be ready to go to the pool as soon as it opens so I need to run. Night!

I need an ear

Sometimes I am not sure what to think. This afternoon we were sitting over at my mil and fil's house (they live next door) and talking. My 24 y/o sil come over at she got off of work for dinner. We had ordered pizza's so mil, Lauren and I went to pick them up. After we left my sil starts bashing me to my husband, fil and Hunter! She was saying that I am lazy, that I sleep half the day and then go swimming everyday instead of taking Hunter to mow their grandmother's yard. Of course my husband took up for me and told her he would be sure to let me know how she felt about me. But my question is.. does the whole family feel this way, just a few or only her? Hubby and I have been together for over 15 years and I really would like to know the answer to that!

Different stuff

I just noticed that I hadn't updated about Hunter's report card... HE PASSED!! He's going to the 8th grade! I can't possibly be old enough to have an 8th grader. Right?! He's not ready for school to start back tho. Lauren asked me Friday how much longer she had till school started back. I take it she's ready to go back lol. We just have to get 2 boxes of tissues and 2 more packages of notebook paper and a new backpack and she's good to go.

I figured out what was up with her not wanting to stay the night... I think. She had told me her ear was hurting a few days before the sleepover but hadn't really complained that much till she came home. That Friday I took her to the doctor and sure enough she had a nasty ear infection. The same ear infection that she is still complaining with. Back to the doctor with her.

We haven't been doing much swimming b/c of her ear and Hunter's road rash. He's good now we have to wait on her.

Speaking of that we got a call from the insurance company. They went and had the vehicle fixed with only 1 estimate and now say we owe $3700.00! Holy crap... can they really do that? That was the first we talked to anybody. Please tell me someone out there as something good to say?!

I am trying to decide if I want to work at a different school this year or not. I really want to be at the kids school but the other school has a full time aide job open. It's a paycheck every month but it's not with my kids. If I knew I would work as much as I did at the end of the year last year it wouldn't even matter about the other job. I am wondering if I stay will I still be at the top of the sub list or will I only be at the top when the top one is busy? I hate to take another step back at the kids school like I did the year before. But I also hate to pass on a steady paycheck to find out I'm back at the bottom again! I HATE having to make choices like these!!! Somebody help me!

OK I am off to try and sleep. Last night was a restless night so I am tried but not sleepy!

You just never know

Today had to be one of the worst days of my life as a mother. Lauren had gone to stay the night with my mom so this morning I stayed in bed when Hunter got up. He got dressed and told me he was going to ride his 4 wheeler. I told him to take his cell phone and please be careful. We said our I Love yous and he walked out the door. The phone rang at 10:40 and I all I hear is "your son has been hit by a car"... "he's ok". I couldn't get to him any faster. All the time my mind was racing with all the "what if's". Once I got there and got my eyes on him I lost it. The police were asking him if he was OK and some other stuff and all I could do was cry! He told me he was OK and he looked OK but all I could think was OMG what if! After I calmed down. I was told he was coming out of the woods and couldn't stop in time. He thought quick enough to jump off the 4 wheeler before the car hit it... THANK YOU GOD for watching over him. The 4 wheeler hit the front of the car and then turned and hit the back passenger door before landing in the ditch. He ended up with some major road rash but other wise is OK. I am SO very thankful that today is almost over now!

I can't believe June is almost over

Where did this month go? I want summer to s l o w down. I am enjoying the time off. The kids are enjoying the time off.

We are trying to find a new Church. The one we have been going to is a great Church but there are no kids. I want my kids to remember VBS like I do. I always looked forward to that week every summer. Of course there is more to it than VBS. We are just looking for something that has more to offer the kids. Today we visited one I think might work. We will visit again and see where it leads.

Being the mother to a full blown teenager has been fun lol. He has days that I just want to lock him in his room and throw away the key. Most days are good tho. I will just be happy when he gets full lol his stomach is never ending. Tonight we grilled steaks. We had baked potatoes and brown beans with them. He then ate a bowl of chicken and dumplings and a piece of cake. If he's awake he's eating something. We are now looking each other in the eyes. He's LOVING that one but I just keep reminding him no matter how big he is I will always be his mother who is older and wiser lol!!

Lauren can't get enough of the pool. I think she's really a fish. The other day we went to the pool and she came swimming up to me and said she had find a $5 bill in the deep end and couldn't get it. I went out with her and got it for her. She is forever finding money in the pool. She then eats lots of ice cream with her found treasures.

I am off to watch a movie. Everyone is on bed so I get the tv to myself. :)

13 years ago...

today I was laying in a hospital bed waiting to meet the baby I had been carrying for the past 9 months. It was not an easy labor but the end results where worth it all. My baby boy was born at 12:59 pm (11:59 pm where we live now lol) and he has kept me on my toes ever since. I can't believe it's been 13 years. I am not ready for the teenage years... the dating, the smart(er) mouth, the hormones or the 8th grade. Oh my... my baby's not a baby anymore! When did that happen?

Happy 13th Birthday Hunter, I love you!!!

A few words

I just read this http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2009/06/rare_prenatal_testing_case_rai.html on another blog. Now I am going to tell a story about "normal" babies.

Here's my story. I was born to teenage parents who weren't ready to be parents. There was nothing wrong with me but the "new" wore off and I was passed around but mainly living with my mom and her parents. Once I turned 3 the passing game got old so I went to leave with my dad's parents. Never once did I feel unloved or unwanted by them just my real parents. I am sure at 50 something they wouldn't have chosen to restart with a 3 year old but they didn't blink and I was giving a stable home for the first time in 3 years. I can remember starting school and the other kids asking why my mom was never at the parties or programs and all I could say was she didn't want me. As a child I often wondered if I did something wrong or something was wrong with me for my parents not to want me but as an adult I see that it was all in God's plan. Now as a mother I don't see how one gives birth to a baby and years later change their mind. I too was young when my son was born but I NEVER thought about not wanting him. Yes he was a "surprise" but you know what he was one of the best surprises I have ever had. Anyway today I do have a relationship with my mom but it's not the normal mother/daughter one many of my friends have with their mother's. Our relationship is sometimes rocky but I truely believe I was raised by the best people. I often feel orphaned b/c both of my grand"parents" are gone but I am thankful they were there for me when I needed them the most.

2 years today

It really doesn't seem like it's been 2 years. Some days it still feels so fresh and raw. I pass by her every time I go to town but it's still hard to stop and visit. I do more things that she did and I stop and think I can't believe I just did that... never in a million years did I ever think I would "turn in" to her. I can see it more and more tho... but the older get the prouder I am to be like her. I just hope I am half the mother she was to me.

I love and miss you everyday Mamaw! Thank you for everything you ever did for me!!

Just a quick note

Yesterday afternoon was closing ceremonies for our baseball teams. Nate had signed up to play before his accident. He walked across the field to get his trophy. She said she was holding back the tears as he walked across that field. It's just awesome! Thank You God for answering all those prayers for Nate!!

100th post

I have been dreading writing this 100th post b/c nothing is really happening around here but here it goes.

Lauren and Hunter are both out of school and fighting like cats and dogs most of the time. I am grateful for them having their own bedrooms. I did see on another blog something I really need to try... she is making her kids hug for five minutes when they fight. That would kill mine.

The pool opened but the kids don't know that yet. The water is still so cold. I know they won't care and I don't plan to swim but I hate to start going so early b/c then they get tried of going. Come August the pools the only place to be here in Arkansas and even then it feels like your swimming in a warm bathtub.

We had talked about taking a vacation this summer but hubby doesn't have any vacation time left and since he's working as a conductor and not an engineer the moneys not as good. We decided to wait till next spring and try to do something big. We are going to do somethings close by throughout the summer. My sil, her kids, my kids and I are going to Wild River Country one day this month. We are aiming for the week of Hunter's birthday.

We are waiting for report cards... they aren't going to be mailed till the 5th. Hunter goofed off the 1st semester and worked his butt off the last nine weeks so we don't know if he made it out of 7th or not. He made 2 100's on his semester tests so we know he can do it... it's his want to that bites!

Lauren was on the Honor Roll all year. Hunter says it's easier in the 2nd grade but even back then he didn't give it his all. I hope that she will always love school b/c it sure makes things better. Hunter HATES it and it makes the school year hellish!

Jenny got a picture of Nate standing up outside the hospital last week. How awesome is that! What a wonderful God!!

I also can't believe it's been 2 years almost since this...http://brandyb.wordpress.com/2007/06/11/shes-gone/

Well I am going to run outside and play with the kids. See you later.