3rd one

I have been sitting here reading my old blog and I can't believe I am coming up on my 3rd Christmas without my Mamaw. Some days it feels like she's been gone way longer than that and still some days it feels like yesterday. This time of the year is really hard b/c it was our favorite holiday. We both LOVED Christmas so much! I haven't been able to bring down her singing Santa from the attic or play the snowman she loved so much. The snowman sits on my bar year round but hearing "Rocking around the Christmas Tree" is too much! It really sucks b/c the kids love that Santa and snowman!! Maybe next year Santa can come down to visit again.

Maybe it would be easier if my family was still close. I remember every Christmas morning I would wake up and see what Santa brought me and open my gifts. After I was done my grandparents would start cooking for everybody to come over and eat. I would play with all my stuff waiting for my cousins, aunts, and uncles to get there. I miss those days. We don't get together anymore... haven't since Mamaw went into the nursing home. My kids don't know what a "big" family is like. Their were 9 grandkids there every Christmas morning when I was little. They only really know 2 of their cousins... when they have 14 more. :( I don't understand how a family that was once so close can just drift apart and be OK with it. I now know she was the glue that held us all together and since she's gone we fell apart. Why does being an adult have to be so hard?

I'm still here

Don't fall out b/c I am posting. I know I don't do it very often and I can't promise that I will do it more.

The kids only have 9 more days before school starts back and I am very sad. I am not ready for them to go back. It seems as the summer has flown by again. It has rained a LOT this year so we haven't gotten a lot of swimming in. Now the pool is closed during the week which bites.

Since my mom got fired we have been spending more time together. We have been going shopping together... she NEVER liked to shop or do anything when she was working. It's funny in a way but she has learned things about me she didn't know. Like today we were in Wal-Mart and I picked up some bean dip and she says.. you like bean dip too?! I am glad we have gotten closer over the last few months.

I might have a full time job when school starts back. I put in for a job in the High School for a teacher's aide. I was told I would know something by this coming Wed., only a week before school starts back. I have decided if it's meant to be then I will get it if not then I will still be a sub.

Lauren decided to do PeeWee cheerleading this year and cheer camp started tonight. She really enjoyed it and I know she will be a great cheerleader. She loves dancing and jumping around.

Hunter decided to do fall baseball. I can't wait to see him play again. It's been too long since I have watched him play. He wants to try out in the 9th grade for the school team so he's going to play as much as he can till tryouts.

I was thinking the other day about the kids and how fast they are growing up. In 5 years Hunter will be a senior and Lauren starts 7th grade that year! I wish we could go back to him just turning 5 and her being 3 months old. My how time flies!!

Different stuff

I just noticed that I hadn't updated about Hunter's report card... HE PASSED!! He's going to the 8th grade! I can't possibly be old enough to have an 8th grader. Right?! He's not ready for school to start back tho. Lauren asked me Friday how much longer she had till school started back. I take it she's ready to go back lol. We just have to get 2 boxes of tissues and 2 more packages of notebook paper and a new backpack and she's good to go.

I figured out what was up with her not wanting to stay the night... I think. She had told me her ear was hurting a few days before the sleepover but hadn't really complained that much till she came home. That Friday I took her to the doctor and sure enough she had a nasty ear infection. The same ear infection that she is still complaining with. Back to the doctor with her.

We haven't been doing much swimming b/c of her ear and Hunter's road rash. He's good now we have to wait on her.

Speaking of that we got a call from the insurance company. They went and had the vehicle fixed with only 1 estimate and now say we owe $3700.00! Holy crap... can they really do that? That was the first we talked to anybody. Please tell me someone out there as something good to say?!

I am trying to decide if I want to work at a different school this year or not. I really want to be at the kids school but the other school has a full time aide job open. It's a paycheck every month but it's not with my kids. If I knew I would work as much as I did at the end of the year last year it wouldn't even matter about the other job. I am wondering if I stay will I still be at the top of the sub list or will I only be at the top when the top one is busy? I hate to take another step back at the kids school like I did the year before. But I also hate to pass on a steady paycheck to find out I'm back at the bottom again! I HATE having to make choices like these!!! Somebody help me!

OK I am off to try and sleep. Last night was a restless night so I am tried but not sleepy!

I can't believe June is almost over

Where did this month go? I want summer to s l o w down. I am enjoying the time off. The kids are enjoying the time off.

We are trying to find a new Church. The one we have been going to is a great Church but there are no kids. I want my kids to remember VBS like I do. I always looked forward to that week every summer. Of course there is more to it than VBS. We are just looking for something that has more to offer the kids. Today we visited one I think might work. We will visit again and see where it leads.

Being the mother to a full blown teenager has been fun lol. He has days that I just want to lock him in his room and throw away the key. Most days are good tho. I will just be happy when he gets full lol his stomach is never ending. Tonight we grilled steaks. We had baked potatoes and brown beans with them. He then ate a bowl of chicken and dumplings and a piece of cake. If he's awake he's eating something. We are now looking each other in the eyes. He's LOVING that one but I just keep reminding him no matter how big he is I will always be his mother who is older and wiser lol!!

Lauren can't get enough of the pool. I think she's really a fish. The other day we went to the pool and she came swimming up to me and said she had find a $5 bill in the deep end and couldn't get it. I went out with her and got it for her. She is forever finding money in the pool. She then eats lots of ice cream with her found treasures.

I am off to watch a movie. Everyone is on bed so I get the tv to myself. :)

13 years ago...

today I was laying in a hospital bed waiting to meet the baby I had been carrying for the past 9 months. It was not an easy labor but the end results where worth it all. My baby boy was born at 12:59 pm (11:59 pm where we live now lol) and he has kept me on my toes ever since. I can't believe it's been 13 years. I am not ready for the teenage years... the dating, the smart(er) mouth, the hormones or the 8th grade. Oh my... my baby's not a baby anymore! When did that happen?

Happy 13th Birthday Hunter, I love you!!!

A few words

I just read this http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2009/06/rare_prenatal_testing_case_rai.html on another blog. Now I am going to tell a story about "normal" babies.

Here's my story. I was born to teenage parents who weren't ready to be parents. There was nothing wrong with me but the "new" wore off and I was passed around but mainly living with my mom and her parents. Once I turned 3 the passing game got old so I went to leave with my dad's parents. Never once did I feel unloved or unwanted by them just my real parents. I am sure at 50 something they wouldn't have chosen to restart with a 3 year old but they didn't blink and I was giving a stable home for the first time in 3 years. I can remember starting school and the other kids asking why my mom was never at the parties or programs and all I could say was she didn't want me. As a child I often wondered if I did something wrong or something was wrong with me for my parents not to want me but as an adult I see that it was all in God's plan. Now as a mother I don't see how one gives birth to a baby and years later change their mind. I too was young when my son was born but I NEVER thought about not wanting him. Yes he was a "surprise" but you know what he was one of the best surprises I have ever had. Anyway today I do have a relationship with my mom but it's not the normal mother/daughter one many of my friends have with their mother's. Our relationship is sometimes rocky but I truely believe I was raised by the best people. I often feel orphaned b/c both of my grand"parents" are gone but I am thankful they were there for me when I needed them the most.

Now I remember why I don't do....

Facebook. After reading this post at Chicky Chicky Baby http://chickychickybaby.blogspot.com/2009/03/let-sleeping-dogs-lie-but-if-you-insist.html it hit me. I have a ex that should NEVER try to get it touch EVER!!! He was close to a felon way back in the day. And yes I was young and stupid and stayed with him even after it. Not that I would every want to redo my life b/c I think I am the person I am b/c of my past but if I could block out those 3 years it would be like laying on a beach with nothing else to do every again! I really thought 7th grade was awesome till we broke up during 9th grade and then my eyes opened to a new world... one were I was free to be me. I am SO very thankful cell phones weren't the thing back then. :)

Oh my!

My baby girl is now 8 years old!

This doesn't seem right. Where have the last 8 years gone? I really shouldn't be surprised because she was in such a hurry to get here back then. She tried to make her entrance into the world at 30 weeks but we put a stop to that after a week in and out of the hospital. After 6 weeks on brethine, 2 steroid shots and lite duty (whatever that means when you have a 4 year old too) she was given the OK to come. Which she did and then she wouldn't wait for the dr. to get there so the nurse delivered her. Every since it's been go go go. I've heard when can I do this and how old do I have to be before that? Why can't she just slow down and be little while she can? You are one of our blessings and I'm so very thankful for you everyday. I love you baby girl. Happy 8th Birthday!!

Wordless Wednesday - Pampering!

Been a while

I'm still around. It's been hard to post anything without feeling like crap doing it. I feel like I should feel very blessed and most days I do. But sometimes you just feel like every things against you. Lately I have been there. The boy has been having some problems and I felt like I was failing him. I think I am over that feeling.. I think. It sucks when you kids are hurting, failing, sick and it feels like the only thing you can do is NOTHING!!

I have been keeping up with little Harper and Brayden. They are both improving so much and I am so happy for their parents. I was glad to have come across their blogs and have enjoyed following them. But then I came across another blog... The Maxey family has been through so much and now are facing so much more. It's just NOT fair for any parent to know what losing a child is like. CANCER TRULY SUCKS!!!!

When I read about parents losing a child I have to remember my aunt lost 2 within 2 years of each other. How do you go through that? How do you go on?

I also have a family that is heavy in my heart right now. The guy is waiting for a kidney. The other day they thought they had one but it was damaged by the time it got to the hospital. I would love to just be able to make everyone well but that isn't possible...

Try this

My FIRSTS

So I stole this from http://www.myspecialks.com/, but it looked fun!

1. Who was your FIRST prom date? My hubby was my one and only prom date.

2. Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Not unless hell froze over!

3. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? A beer and I HATED it... still can't drink beer!

4. What was your FIRST job? Babysitting!

5. What was your FIRST car? a 4 door sunbird

6. Who was the FIRST person to text you today? my friend Susan

7. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? the kids

8. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Ms. Libby... she was my kindergarten teacher too!

9. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? I was in the 5th grade and I flew to Dallas for a Dance convention

10. Who was your FIRST best friend and are you still friends with them? Blake was and no we no longer talk.... I do talk to his mom when I see her.

11. What was your FIRST sport played? softball

12. Where was your FIRST sleep over? in 1st grade

13. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? hubby

14. Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? my aunt's friends.. I handed out rice bags.

15. What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? took a shower

16. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? in the 7th grade I went to Michael Bolton

17. FIRST tattoo or piercing?My ears when I was 4.

18. FIRST foreign country you went to? none

19. What was your FIRST run in with the law? when I got pulled over for no tags the first night I had my car.

20. When was your FIRST detention? 9th grade

21. What was the FIRST state you lived in? Arkansas

22. Who was the FIRST person to break your heart? Jason in the 6th grade

23. Who was your FIRST roommate? hubby

24. Where did you go on your FIRST limo ride? my papaws funeral in the 4th grade

Wanna try? Consider yourself tagged!Link back to me and leave a comment here when you post so I can be nosey... Please?!

This S U C K S!!!!!!!!!!

I am at a loss. My son hates school, has since day 1. He's in his room doing homework right now. I am here trying not to loose it. He's not doing as well as I know he can and I don't know how to make him want too.

My heart breaks b/c he just made the comment that he wants to be home schooled or to just drop out. I dropped out of 10th grade for very stupid reasons and I have been dreading the day that became a subject I had to share with my kid/s. I WANT my kids to finish school.

I sit here and I am struggling to help him with his homework. I don't think it's from dropping out, but how the hell do I know.

HELP ME!!!

1 week down

many more to go. The boy had a good first week in 7th grade. His high points were getting two cokes for one, getting to eat off the sandwich line or the regular line, having a locker and he got a 90% on a quiz.

The girl really likes 2nd grade. She is the top dog on the playground this year. She loves her teacher. It's been rough getting her up in the mornings tho. So her new bedtime is between 7 and 7:30. She really needs her beauty rest. I see now she needs 12 hours of sleep.

Well I am gone to be lazy with the kids.